New Year, real me!!

As of late I have been reflecting on where I have been and where I want to be with my life.   Even though I haven't purposely followed the life I really wanted to for various reasons, fear, lack of knowledge etc...  I somehow wound up in a great place anyway.  Although I didn't always realize it I have found a wonderful Husband that is very loving and always there for me.  I have the most talented, fun, and loving boys a Mother could ever dream of.  To add to the mix we have the best standard poodle ever!  So yes God has blessed me in so many ways without my even having much of an effort for my part. 

I came to a realization sometime in the last month or so.  Something that's basic knowledge, and yet easily missed.  I make my own life.   Okay God always has the biggest hand of course.  But though the wonderful gift of free will I can help control the path I take.  Now like I said this is common knowledge but yet I never really realized the potential that was handed to me though the power of free will.

So here is what I did upon realization.  I woke up.  I peeled and scraped at this mold that has shaped me for so long.  There were layers of self-doubt, past pains, other people's perception of me that I have feel into, and so on.  So many layers, upon layers I didn't even knew existed.  In truth it took decades for this mold to form so it's not completely off but little by little I'm working at freeing myself as completely as I can.

The layers of what society believes to be true have thrown many curve balls my way.  See there's a certain way people think.  Perhaps a sane way, however anyone who knows me know that I have a certain level of insanity built into me.  You can call me crazy, a dreamer, a person who lacks reality, call it what you may.  It comes down to free spirited thinking.  For instance the world tells us we need degrees to achieve great things.  We have to have knowledge and experience and the majority of all these sane people in the world believe this knowledge and experience has to come from school.  As a result most businesses won't even look at you if you don't have a college degree.  Now I actually believe this to some extent for instance a surgeon really does need Anatomy and Physiology for instance, even my sister who does taxes has to be educated on the current tax breaks and such.  But does every job they claim need a degree really need one?  Heck no!  My Husband knows IT better than anyone I have ever meet.  He knows it better than a lot of IT experts to which has been proven time and time again.  We've had many instances where friends would tell us so and so is wrong with their computer they just had this major IT expert check it out, and my Husband would correct them and say no it sounds more like this or this.  Then upon his own observing and testing he would fix it his way and low and behold he was right.  Did my Husband have a college degree?  No!  Now at the time of writing this he is actually getting one only because the problem is companies won't take a chance and hire him without it.  It's ashame because he could blow people with Major's in IT out of the water at any time.  But see here lies opportunity. 

Why waste time getting a degree when you could just be doing.  Not all cases can do this, but what if instead of getting that degree that takes 4 years to get learning things he already know, most of which he'll never use again in his life; what if instead he received a few years experience at a company instead as an externship.  It's cheaper than paying for college, you can probably get the same results in half the time and leaves him with much needed experience.  Now Mario choose not to do this route because he already has two children, one of them being special needs at that, which really need him at home with them.  Therefore, he didn't have the time to work and then go work part-time again somewhere else for free.  So he still chooses an online school that enables him to be home with his children.  He wishes he would have volunteered in his younger days though as he realizes the potential it could of had. 

So see here is part of where my thinking lye’s as the saying goes there are many paths to Rome, yet we as a society are trained to think inside this box.  Were all shaped into these little molds like trained puppets.  That's exactly what I'm all about breaking. 

Now for a while I have wanted to spread the word about Sensory Processing Disorder awareness as my son has SPD.  One of the things I wanted to share with other families going through this is that a service dog can help their child.  After all, not many people think of a service dog when a child has SPD.  So I decided right there and then I would write a book about it to get the awareness out.  So I did.  Upon its completion I had to find a Publisher after talking to sever Publishers and Authors it is my believe that Authors weren't getting paid what they should.  Now don't get me wrong the book was for awareness first and foremost and not compensation but being a stay at home Mom with a very low family income you can see opportunity was knocking at my door. 

So I opened the door, big and wide and accepted opportunity   I researched and researched and with my Husbands excellent computer skills, I decided to open my own Publishing company- Sensational Publications- that flipped the whole business around and helped Authors.  Instead of putting money in our (the publishers) hands we put it where it belongs in the Authors hands.  Why would we want to do this when we are WAY underpaid as a result?  Simple because we sleep better at night.  There's a sense of pride when you know you’re helping people not get ripped off.  So we opened our own self-publishing company and we charge less than any other self-publisher on the market, yet we still offer all, and often times more of the perks of the other companies. 

And that right there is what this year is about.  I'm changing myself to be the person I want to be, and as an effect changing the world.  I'm leaving it a little better than it was before I started.  This one business I created has the potential to change thousands of lives and who knows where the extra money we help them receive will go.  I love picturing it helping a family thrive. 

It's not just all business though.  I've woke up all areas of my life.  My health is a big one.  I weigh 214 pounds as of writing this, yet I am only 5ft. tall.  4' 11" if you go by the children museum at Navy Pier's measurements.  I estimated by using my bmi that I carry around 80 pound's of pure fat.  How disgusting is that?  Why, laziness?  Love for chemical laden food?  There's many different answers to that, but the point is I have been sleep walking through my health.  Until now that is. 

For years now I have known and wanted to do a juicing diet.  Being that my son is Gluten Free I also wanted to start that too.  Then there's dairy.  Oh I love cheese products.  I love to eat slice of cheese, after slice of cheese, day in and day out while standing at my kitchen fridge.  The thing about cheese though is sometimes it makes my throat swell, probably my body's way of saying stop eating this stuff by the handful.  So here I am a couple days ago after a cheese feast as well call it and my throat starts swelling again, but this time it doesn't stop there I have severe chest pains.  They bring tears to my eyes they hurt so bad I also feel nauseated and lightheaded.  Now after about an hour or so it luckily stopped.  But I remember I kept thinking what the heck am I doing?  I have kids I want to live to see have their own Grandkids.  I have to stop this now.

So that was it I woke up.  I started juicing the next day.  And for now on I'm not buying anymore cheese or wheat products for our home.  We’re going to juice several times a day enjoy salads, fresh fruit, vegetables, and nuts in-between.  I may occasionally eat things like chicken breast or so on but I definitely won't be eating again like I have in the past.  It disgusts me to think of all the knowledge I have in nutrient and to know that I never put it to use on myself.  I always just applied it to my children.  Now it's my turn to be the best me I know how to be. 

I'm especially looking forward to the juicing as I have always had an issue with anger.  I think it's inherited down the line as many people I know especially my own Mother has huge Temper issues.  I discovered on accident that vitamins have a phenomenal impact as a mood stabilizer for me.  I bought my son some really good high quality children’s gummy vitamins and since they are so tasty I have been popping them in my mouth like candy myself.  I would eat about 5 or 6 a day even though it's supposed to be 2 a day.   Now I know I know that's so bad, but listen to the results.  I have been angry, mad, even mean for a long time.  Never towards my kids but just in general an unhappiness in me.  I also strongly hate to be cuddled or touched even by my own husband don't know why it's just the way I am.  About a week into this vitamin popping an amazing thing happened.  I was happy it felt like some heavy weight was lifted off of me.  Nothing in my life changed everything was the same but I changed.  I even actually craved to be closer to Mario.  I can't say I'm a huge cuddlier but you have to understand i didn't even like sitting right next to people I just really needed my space.  Now I constantly ask Mario to come sit my me.  I've caught myself whose a bit germ aphobic and afraid to hold hands, reaching out and for Mario's hand randomly.  Those these changes are small and really not even noticeable to an outsider these are phenomenal inside a marriage.  I've even randomly been hugging Mario.  Not something I easily do, but I enjoy hugs now.  It's all because of the vitamins.

Again, something I have studied somewhat religiously looking for answers for my own son but never applied it to myself.  So now, I am continuing my vitamins, and adding vitamin D since I have been tested as Vitamin D deficient for years.  The juicing really excites me because if I did this great off of vitamins imagine the effects real live vitamins and minerals will have.  All those live vitamins working there health benefits on me, I'm so excited to feel these results.  That's why even though juicing will be the hardest part to do it's the one I want to do the most.  From all the knowledge I have I know my brain will go into a bit of a fog initially for the first 3 days or so while my body is getting rid of so many toxins.  That combined with hunger pains is a really painful thought.  None the less the benefits will be worth it. 

So on our next payday I start the diet part of the real me.  I'm going to be the best me in and out, no more hiding in a mold built by society.  Society can promote chemical laden products all they want but ultimately I am sick of being sick. 

I'm also done thinking I can't do something, publishing my first book has been a huge eye opener I can do anything I put my mind to.  How?  Simple, by doing it!  There are no limits in my life, obstacles can be worked around and concurred, and I intend to concur any that stand in my way.

The wonderful thing is I'm never alone in this journey no matter how free and wild my thinking gets as these layers keep peeling off my Husband is always by my side every step of the way.  My children also encourage me more and more that I do need to aspire to be the best me.  Ultimately becoming the best me allows me to be the best Mom for them.  The impact I leave on my kids is one that I tend to make the best and most positive I possibly can if peeling layers off is one way of doing this then, well here comes the real me world!