Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Quotes from Peter Gray's unschooling survey

"Unschooling equals freedom in learning and in life. We push aside paradigms and established regulations with regards to schooling and trust our children to pave their own way in their own educations. Everything they want to experience has value. We trust them."


"We define unschooling as creating an enriching environment for our children where natural learning and passions can flourish. We want our life to be about connection—to each other, to our interests and passions, to a joyful life together....As a parent, I am my children's experienced partner and guide and I help them to gain access to materials and people that they might not otherwise have access to. I introduce them to things, places, people that I think might be interesting to them, but I do not push them or feel rejected or discouraged if they do not find it interesting...."


 "The other big benefit is that my kids have such a love of learning and of life, which was never destroyed by conventional school. So we don't have the kind of power struggles that other parents seem to have over bedtimes and homework. ... After all, happy relationships should ideally not be based on power issues. I can truly say that we are free of that, and that we spend time together as a family not because we are forced to, but because we enjoy it and love each other. What could be better than that?"


"Seeing the kids learn things naturally, and at their own pace without forcing them. Seeing the amount of creativity and imagination my kids have because they aren't expected to conform and be followers. Seeing them become very involved and interested in subjects that I wouldn't have imagined."


"Watching my children learn so much so effortlessly. I watched my 5 year old daughter teach herself to read and write. It was the most amazing thing to watch. It was like she was a codebreaker."


"The biggest benefits have been witnessing our daughters' creativity blossom full force, their ability to think outside the box when presented with problems, their resourcefulness, and their genuine desire to ask questions and learn as much as they can about the world around them. Also, seeing them internalize the lesson that making mistakes is a necessary and wonderful platform for growth and further learning, which means they see mistakes as a positive and necessary part of their education. They're not afraid to try their hand at just about anything."


"The list is endless: Most important: that learning was simply a normal part of everyday life, as natural and as necessary as breathing-never something confined to a specific place or time. But also: Being able to spend so much time together, getting to know each other so well. Being able to travel whenever we wanted (useful when the girls began fencing competitively, too-we never had to worry about school releases). That the girls OWNED their learning-despite their occasional doubts, by the time they reached adulthood, they knew how to go about learning anything they were interested in because they'd been able to do that all their lives. That the girls grew up curious and could indulge that curiosity. That the girls were not subjected to school textbooks and could read what we still think of as "real" books. That the girls learned for themselves how to organize and prioritize their time and energy to get things done. That we had the leisure not only to learn what and where we wanted, but to figure out the best ways we learned, which could change from year to year and subject to subject. That nobody had to ask permission for bathroom breaks. That we could eat while we read if we wanted to."


"The curiosity that he had as a 3 or 4 year old is still there. He thinks life is interesting and fun. He has confidence in his ability to do anything he wants to do."



"The curiosity that he had as a 3 or 4 year old is still there. He thinks life is interesting and fun. He has confidence in his ability to do anything he wants to do."
• "A huge reduction in stress for our kids and me... being able to sleep and eat on our own natural schedule ...learning at their own pace, in ways that work best for them, information and skills that they chose to learn, and therefore coming to enjoy learning!
Freedom! [My children] got to live as free people, and blossomed as individuals! They had the time to figure out who they are, what they enjoy and are interested in; had opportunities to learn and do all kinds of interesting things that schooled children typically don't have time for; were free from thebullying and threats (from the teachers) at school; and had a group of homeschooled friends who were/are very nice, generally happy and optimistic, friendly, interesting and interested people."

"Hands down, the relationship with our kids has flourished. We have never gone through the typical teen angst or rebellion so often touted as normal. I don't think it is. If you build up your family life where members work together and help one another, where the focus is on happy learning, it's hard NOT to get along and enjoy each other's company! Schools have an insidious way of pitting parents against kids and eroding the relationship that could flourish outside of that environment. When kids, and all people really, can relax and enjoy life and learn and pursue interests, they are happy. When people are happy, they get along better, they work together and inspire one another, learn from one another and grow stronger and healthier. All of that has spilled over into marriage life and all family relationships, including siblings. I knew without a doubt that the learning would happen and that it would be amazing! I didn't expect the stark difference in our relationship with our kids, as compared to what I thought it should be like by what I saw in other families with kids in school."

Freedom to Learn

The roles of play and curiosity as foundations for learning

The Benefits of Unschooling: Report I from a Survey of 231 Families

What, to unschoolers, are the benefits of skipping school?
• "The biggest benefits have been witnessing our daughters' creativity blossom full force, their ability to think outside the box when presented with problems, their resourcefulness, and their genuine desire to ask questions and learn as much as they can about the world around them. Also, seeing them internalize the lesson that making mistakes is a necessary and wonderful platform for growth and further learning, which means they see mistakes as a positive and necessary part of their education. They're not afraid to try their hand at just about anything."
• "Trust!. This unschooling path has taught me to trust my instincts and to trust my children to know what feels right to them. There is no perfect life but mistakes are our mirror to see what we would have done differently and how we will decide now with the knowledge we have."
• "The list is endless: Most important: that learning was simply a normal part of everyday life, as natural and as necessary as breathing-never something confined to a specific place or time. But also: Being able to spend so much time together, getting to know each other so well. Being able to travel whenever we wanted (useful when the girls began fencing competitively, too-we never had to worry about school releases). That the girls OWNED their learning-despite their occasional doubts, by the time they reached adulthood, they knew how to go about learning anything they were interested in because they'd been able to do that all their lives. That the girls grew up curious and could indulge that curiosity. That the girls were not subjected to school textbooks and could read what we still think of as "real" books. That the girls learned for themselves how to organize and prioritize their time and energy to get things done. That we had the leisure not only to learn what and where we wanted, but to figure out the best ways we learned, which could change from year to year and subject to subject. That nobody had to ask permission for bathroom breaks. That we could eat while we read if we wanted to."

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• "The curiosity that he had as a 3 or 4 year old is still there. He thinks life is interesting and fun. He has confidence in his ability to do anything he wants to do."
• "A huge reduction in stress for our kids and me... being able to sleep and eat on our own natural schedule ...learning at their own pace, in ways that work best for them, information and skills that they chose to learn, and therefore coming to enjoy learning!
Freedom! [My children] got to live as free people, and blossomed as individuals! They had the time to figure out who they are, what they enjoy and are interested in; had opportunities to learn and do all kinds of interesting things that schooled children typically don't have time for; were free from thebullying and threats (from the teachers) at school; and had a group of homeschooled friends who were/are very nice, generally happy and optimistic, friendly, interesting and interested people."
• "Another huge benefit is that [my son's] stress levels are way down, and he is happy. I realized by keeping him in school, I was stifling his creativity, his passions, and teaching him he must put those things on the back burner and conform to what society thinks is best for him to learn.... He wants to work and make money, and now he is also free to contribute to society in a valuable way instead of being in a classroom all day."
• "I got my son back. The school wanted him ‘diagnosed' with something he doesn't have... he's just a super creative, intensely sensitive kid who has so much to offer the world just as he is. ... He has never had a problem getting along with other kids. He makes friends everywhere he goes and is still in touch with his school friends too. Unschooling has been such a blessing for us it has taken the stress off of my son (as well as me) and allows him to follow his bliss... and create and imagine and think for himself. He reads better now than he ever did in school."
• "One example is that of control. My youngest is a walking power struggle; she can turn any moment into a fight for control. By allowing her education be her choice and responsibility, we have a far better relationship and she spends her energy learning instead of fighting. (We have enough to fight over with whether she will brush her teeth or wear weather-appropriate clothes, after all.)"
• "I feel like I'm trying to answer a question about the benefits of breathing. We don't have to schedule, assume, judge, direct, or anxiously evaluate. We just get to enjoy each other. My son gets to live a life focused on what he loves at the moment."
• "I love watching my kids grow and learn and ask questions. I love having one less thing to worry about (finding the time for "school") and I love being able to skip curriculum shopping and planning. I also look around at other homeschoolers and feel sorry for their constant stress and worry. (Is my kid learning enough? Did we pick the right curriculum? How much does homeschooling cost?) I see traditional homeschoolers so burned out by the stress they make for themselves. Don't they know their kids will learn despite them?"
• "Hands down, the relationship with our kids has flourished. We have never gone through the typical teen angst or rebellion so often touted as normal. I don't think it is. If you build up your family life where members work together and help one another, where the focus is on happy learning, it's hard NOT to get along and enjoy each other's company! Schools have an insidious way of pitting parents against kids and eroding the relationship that could flourish outside of that environment. When kids, and all people really, can relax and enjoy life and learn and pursue interests, they are happy. When people are happy, they get along better, they work together and inspire one another, learn from one another and grow stronger and healthier. All of that has spilled over into marriage life and all family relationships, including siblings. I knew without a doubt that the learning would happen and that it would be amazing! I didn't expect the stark difference in our relationship with our kids, as compared to what I thought it should be like by what I saw in other families with kids in school."
• "Watching our children's interest in learning grow rather than diminish, and seeing them use their knowledge regularly in conversation and in play with others, rather than "dumping" it after a test."
• "The happiness and joy we experience every day is the biggest benefit. Our lives are essentially stress free since we are living our lives the way we want by making the choices that feel good for us. We have a very close relationship built on love, mutual trust, and mutual respect. As an educator I see that my daughter has amazing critical thinking skills that many of my adult college students lack. ... My daughter lives and learns in the real world and loves it. What more could I ask for?"
• "Looking at my grown children, I can see that both are securely self-motivated, both are much more social and outgoing than I was at their ages, both are living lives they have crafted out of their own interests and talents. That is deeply satisfying. In addition, we all have a strong connection which has grown directly from our shared experiences throughout their childhoods."
• "I have seen my sons' passions bloom. They are happy and expressive and take pride in themselves and their projects. They are knowledgeable about so many more things than their schooled peers. They have a mindset that is not hampered by negativity or limitations, something more common with their schooled peers. They have big imaginations."


"My daughter's happiness, her curiosity, her love of exploration, her freedom. Our freedom as a family, the cooperative nature of our relationships and the trust between us that remains intact."









Monday, February 20, 2012

On divorce



Some great advice:


Don't even wonder. Don't even waste a minute of your time considering it. All your energy should be directed at solutions within your marriage.

 www.retrouvaille.org has a great marriage weekend program.

Monkey Platters

Oh my gosh is this not the coolest idea ever!?!  I can't wait next payday I'm buying my platter with the divided cubbies and making this for our family!!

http://sandradodd.com/eating/monkeyplatter

Saturday, February 18, 2012

It sad how we can be so kind and nice to others yet we can treat our own families worse then any strangers we come across.  Why is it so hard to be nice to the ones we love sometimes?  Is it that we just forget they have feelings and cares too?   Are we somehow so close to them that we loose where we end and they begin and we just don't consider there feelings?  What exactly is it that drives us to act this way?  All I know is that I really want to be there for my family.  I try, even now for instance, to put my family's feelings first and always consider where they are coming from.   This is harder done then said of course.  Sometimes it's just listening to my Husband and trying to really enjoy something he is excited about.  He loves video games and they've never really been my thing but being that he loves them so much he enjoys telling me about them. ALOT!  I can easily tell him I don't have the time to listen to him go on about them, but I try not to. Because, ultimitly what does interest him, though different from my original interests, have become what I love.  Not because I've come to love video games  but because I have come to love him on all levels and it makes me happy to be apart in something he enjoys so much even if it is just by listening to him talk about it.
As for Emilio and I, I constantly have to remind myself to practice patience.  Emilio has the absolute best personality I  could ever hope my child has.   He's wild, rambunctious, fun, and active.  I would never want to change that about him.   I don't believe a child should sit still all day, and am glad my child is a free thinker.  It isn't always easy being his Mother though.  Quite frankly it's exhausting!!  That's where patience comes in.   I try to remember his energy is a good thing and try not to take that from him.  It would be  easy for me to just put  a show on and make him sit still though it, and I have to admit on my worse days I shamefully have done that.  But I try my hardest not to because I don't want to take that free fun loving spirit from him.  It's my dream that he never looses that, and that no one including myself tries to take that from him.

On another note, I find it so amazing and fun to see Emilio growing into his own person.  For example his love for trains.  None of us "taught" him that he just feel  in love with them on his own.  It's beautiful to watch his individuality and personality coming out.   I love seeing him learn and grow!

Well my due date is in 16days soon Emmett will be here!  Were all so excited and can't wait to meet our new member of our family.  Emilio always pats and lays his head down on my belly.  He already loves Emmett and it's such a beautiful thing.  Our love as a familys multiplying!

Another part of a post I really like

Sometimes people say they are using "logical" or "natural" consequences to
teach their children. These are typically euphemisms for a form of
punishment - a way to "negatively reinforce" certain behaviors. This is the
flip side of reward training. If a child leaves a toy outdoors and it
begins to rain, the parent may call it a natural or logical consequence to
leave the toy outdoors to be ruined. I call it mean and that is exactly
what the child will think of it.

Is there an alternative? Yes. Relationship- based parenting is living in a
household with each person giving and getting what they need, including
support and encouragement and information. Parents take responsibility for
being kind and generous with their children while their their children are
growing into kind and responsible people, themselves. The parents do this
by BEING kind and generous and responsible with their children. Children
learn what they live with.

Part of a post I really liked

-=-If you always have shoes in the car or with you, then you will teach her to want her shoes when she's older because she'll remember how nice it was to always have a pair around when she needed it.-=-

If you can rephrase that to think "then you will help her learn..." rather than "then you will teach her..." that will be one giant step closer to unschooling.